Have you ever felt lost and uncertain about your life? Have you struggled to find balance and purpose? If so, you're not alone. Millions of men around the world feel the same way. But thankfully, Ada Joe can help.
Ada Joe is a men's coach who has helped countless men find the direction and guidance they need to create a fulfilling and meaningful life. Ada understands the challenges that men face in today's world, and she has the experience and knowledge to help you overcome them. She will help you to have clarity about what you want in life, set strong boundaries, and create healthy relationships. If you're ready to make changes in your life, Ada Joe can help you take the first steps toward a better future.
In this episode, we will have the Men’s Coach, Mental Health Coach, RN, and Ada Joe. Ada Joe helps men find a balance between fulfilling their purpose, being present with their families, and thriving.
Listen to the Episode
Atiba de Souza: Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of the Build Your Team show. I am your host as always, Atiba. And today, I have Ada Joe with me. We're gonna have a really special conversation that's slightly different than the ones that we've had before here on the show, and we're gonna be focusing on you cuz that's where she specializes.
And as always, we're brought to you by Client Attraction Pros. Helping thought leaders make video marketing fun, easy, and painless.
Atiba de Souza: Ada, welcome to the show.
Ada Joe: Thank you so much, Atiba. It is so nice to be here with you. I've been looking forward to this opportunity to just chat and talk to you. So thank you.
Atiba de Souza: Oh, you're welcome. And so y'all know, it's taken us a little while to schedule because our schedules kept going back and forth and we've been super busy, but I was introduced to you a few months ago, by my friend, your friend, Melih Oztalay on LinkedIn. And now, you guys who are listening, watching this, you'll probably remember his interview that we did like six months ago, which was absolutely brilliant.
One of the smartest, kindest people out there. And when he said I needed to meet Ada, I said, "Okay. I'm gonna trust you on that." And we had a fantastic conversation and I completely understood why we needed to meet. And so I wanna start our conversation here. And because I've made this really big promise, and that really big promise was that this is gonna be a different conversation and it'll be a really good one.
And here's why — 'cause listen to her slogan, You're ready for this. Awaken the man you've been waiting to meet. Awaken the man that you've been waiting to meet. And then it continues even. He's been waiting to embrace you. Now ladies, if you're listening to this and you're saying, "Well, I'm not a man, so I wanna turn this off right now." Don't do that cause I think there's gonna be something; number one, that you may learn here too. But number two, there are probably some men in your life who need to hear what Ada has to say.
So Ada, tell me, let's start with the slogan.
Ada Joe: Yes.
Atiba de Souza: What does it mean?
Ada Joe: That's slogan means — I'm thankful that you said something about women don't turn off because all of us are in that same place. You know, I was too. But so many of us are in the place that we know we can be more.
We just haven't been able to get there yet, was struggling, we would take one step forward when we take two step backwards.
So that's what I do, is to help men just take that step and continue to take that step till you are able to meet that man that you want, that you know you can be, and that man that has been waiting to embrace you because that man is just there waiting for the day that you stop being afraid and step into that human being that you know you can be.
Atiba de Souza: So I'm not gonna give you any softball questions because this is a real — I'm just gonna be real with you, right? Cuz we gotta dig into this here. Cause we're talking —
Ada Joe: Yes. That's true.
Atiba de Souza: — to men, we're talking about men and we're talking about talking to women, for men as well here. And the reality is, number one, most men don't seek help.
How do you find and help these men who were conditioned to not seek help?
Ada Joe: Yeah. I also like the word you use. We're conditioned to not seek help. That is one of the main reason why I do what I do. When I became a coach, I was coaching everyone. I was coaching women, I was coaching men, but I found out that most of the guys that I coached needed more help.
They were finding it very difficult to reach out for help, but once that they feel safe, they're able to walk through whatever that they're dealing with. So that was when I switched and I started working with mainly — I still work with some women, but mainly men, just to give them a safe space to land, to be able to ask for that help.
It's not that they don't want to ask for help, but the word you use, they're conditioned not to ask for help. And sometimes fear sets in. There are some other times ego sets in. But once they're able to trust, to feel safe, magic happens.
Atiba de Souza: Wow.
Ada Joe: and that's when they meet the man that they've been waiting for and that is ready to embrace them. And you know it when you're in that position too.
Atiba de Souza: Right. Yes. I'm speaking for men here. I think I'm a little bit qualified.
Ada Joe: You're very, very qualified. You're very qualified.
Atiba de Souza: And I'm speaking to the man listening who his initial statement in retort is, "I'm not conditioned." So, what are some signs that you are conditioned?
Ada Joe: Okay. Culturally as in our society. Men about black, blue, yellow, whoever we are.
From childhood, from boyhood. We tell our boys, "Men, don't cry."
Don't do this, don't do that. That is the conditioning from childhood. In a way, some people fight over masculinity, I don't fight over masculinity. Men has to be masculine. Yes! But you know, doesn't mean that you're not masculine. Doesn't mean that you are masculine or not. I don't fight over masculinity. A man has to be a man, but they are a soft side of men that you have to get in touch with.
That's where I stand. And the conditioning, like you said, starts from boyhood. In there, you go play soccer, as a kid, I'd say five, six year, seven year old, we expect them to do magic. We expect them not to cry because they're lost. Instead of us to tell them that it's okay for them to also embrace this part of them that everything doesn't have to be fight. You don't always have to be strong. You don't always have to be strong as a man to achieve what you need to achieve. Men can cry. We tell men you don't cry. Who on earth stays without feeling emotions? Were created with emotions. We are humans of emotions.
Atiba de Souza: Right.
Ada Joe: And when you don't get in touch with our emotions, we become stoic. And that doesn't help anybody that you can feel your own self. How will they feel the next person that is beside you? So that's what I mean by we being conditioned. We can start breaking those down once you start getting in touch with your own self.
Atiba de Souza: So, and I wanna be clear. I agree with you. And I know that there are men listening right now who are going to push and fight back. Right? And so my questions that I'm asking gentlemen, listening right now are the questions that I believe are running through your mind. Okay. That's what I'm asking right now, so that she can really help us.
Do we want Ada to be able to really help us through some of these and some of this understanding because yes, we talk about men don't cry. Right? Yes. We talk about being tough and you went to masculinity, which I'm gonna come to in just a minute. But then there's this other side of the ideology that we've been conditioned with that most men, I think will argue that I have to be tough to survive. That the toughness is actually what helps me to survive. That gives me the grit to go through.
So when a man is in that place, where do you go with him? How do you help him?
Ada Joe: In some way, I agree with that. Being strong gives you the grit to push ahead, but you still have to get back in touch with your own self. You can't always be on strong. You have to be strong and you have to get back in touch with your own self. That's what I tell them, that's where I come in. You go to work. You are at a hundred percent. You are great, strong, just getting it done because you do what you need to do to get it done. But you still need time to step back and settle down and come back home and give your wife a hug and give your kids a hug and be okay when they mess things up. You have to find that balance where you are able to do that. And that's what I help men to do.
When you are not able to get off that stage of always being in action, it misses about your relationships. And you also, you're not happy.
Atiba de Souza: I want to ask this question then, because we're talking about this and there are two parallels that have existed, right? So, as young boys we're taught to be strong, to be tough, I back your emotion, deal, don't be a worst, don't be a this, don't be a that, and that's masculinity. Rub some dirt on it. And that's masculinity.
Ada Joe: Toxic.
Atiba de Souza: Say again?
Ada Joe: Toxic masculinity.
Atiba de Souza: But we are taught that, that's masculinity.
Ada Joe: That's what you guys are taught. That's masculinity.
Atiba de Souza: Right? And that's what we were in conditioned to believe. Now, what I'm hearing you say is, it's not even that is necessarily wrong, it's when that is — and this is where the toxic word now comes in. There's imbalance between that and the ability to get in touch with yourself and deal with the emotion and deal with the realities of situations from the emotional, psychological even spiritual probably side of the world. Right? And it's that imbalance that creates toxicity.
Ada Joe: It's that imbalance.
Atiba de Souza: And so here's my question cuz this is what I think I'm hearing you say. And so I want to make sure this is what you're saying. So it's not that masculinity is an "or" like we've been taught, it's that masculinity is an "and". So in other words, we've been taught you are either soft and in touch with your feelings, which is not masculine or tough and not in touch with your feelings. And that is masculine and you are saying that it's "and" —
Ada Joe: It's both.
Atiba de Souza: — not "or".
Ada Joe: It is not this or that. It's both. It's both. We have both. As a man, you have both. Also, some women have the both. Some women, their testosterone level is high, so they have also a little bit of more masculinity in them. And some men that's on the level where a lot of men live, but you still have the other side of you.
How are you going to balance it and find peace? And find peace so that you don't always have to feel that I have to be strong in every situation of my life. You know, I don't have to be, I don't ignore, I can't show my emotions, I can't say I'm ill, I can't say I'm depressed, I'm sad. Those are no bad words. Those are words that I want every man to put in their vocabulary. I want men to learn how to say, "I feel so sad today." Or, "Hey, wifey, I feel so sad and depressed today". And it's okay. And it's okay. It doesn't make you any less a man. It doesn't. It just even makes you a brave man.
Atiba de Souza: It's interesting cuz once again I'm gonna put words in the mouth of men and these words I'm taking out of my own mouth even at times cuz if you do say, "I'm sad", or "I am scared about something that you are going to appear less than." So, let's balance this.
Let's balance this. Men, if you are in a relationship and you haven't come to this point yet, then let me help you come to this point. Okay? Women in a relationship often want security.
Okay? The reason that we don't want to share an emotion is because it seems that emotion is going to make her feel insecure which then leads us as a guy to feel like, "Well, if she feels insecure, then I'm being less of a man and then she's going to want more of a man."
Ada Joe: Yes.
Atiba de Souza: Right? So how do we balance that in what you were just saying of you've gotta be able to come and say, "Ada, I feel sad today. Wifey, I feel depressed today." And dealing with the conditioning that if we say that, she's gonna think less of us.
And that's the biggest problem. Most people, most men have.
Ada Joe: So, how do we deal with that? Atiba, I'm so glad you are also a guy that you're talking to men. When I started this work, a lot of people are like, "How are you going to make men believe that you know what you're talking? Because you don't feel what they feel." So I don't feel what you feel.
But I've worked with a lot of men that feel what you feel. I have worked as a nurse for many years and I see it every day, so I understand it what you are feeling, and for us not to be able to tell you as a woman, that is okay. I love strong men. But I also love men that can get in touch with their soul.
And I'm telling you as a woman, most of us do love that. Because you told me you are sad today doesn't mean that you be sad forever. It just means that we can get help. If we don't get help, then you be sad forever. You be sad forever. But if you tell me that you are sad today, a woman that is right for you will support you to get over it.
Atiba de Souza: Now I want you to say that again. Say that last sentence. A woman —
Ada Joe: That is right for you will help you get over it and you get back to being the man that you are, instead of just staying sad. And a bigger picture of this staying sad and staying depressed and not dealing with it, then you start looking for other ways to cope and that woman that you're trying to keep would then leave because she cannot cope with the things that you are using to cope with this thing that we could have walked through just both of you.
And that brings us to mental health. We all look at mental health as, "Oh, that person have a mental illness." No, no, no, no, no. Mental health is on the spectrum. Just like we just talked about now somebody like coming in your works, things are going on the job, you're so sad, you are so frustrated, you are overwhelmed, you can't share with anybody, you are not addressing it. Bro, you are going through a mental health episode. It might not be an illness.
Atiba de Souza: Definitely something.
Ada Joe: It's there. You're going through an mental health episode, which need to be addressed. And if we don't address it now, it progresses, it becomes something else, which might even lead you to mental health illness.
Atiba de Souza: Well, you said two mouthfuls just now.
Ada Joe: I pull it straight there. I pull it. I pull it. Go ahead.
Atiba de Souza: And so I was trying to decide where to go with the mouthfuls that you gave us just now. Cuz you started off with the statement that I asked you to repeat, just about the correctness of a relationship and the choice that you made in this relationship and that support.
Then you went and you took us down the mental health path. And said something that I think most people — and I say most people cuz I'm gonna tell you that this is was me too — ignore that it's a spectrum. And sadly at this point in time, coming outta Covid, we're all on the spectrum.
Ada Joe: We're all working on it.
Atiba de Souza: And if you haven't paid attention to that yet, it's time that you do, because then you went into coping mechanisms. And so many of us developed coping mechanisms during Covid that some were positive, a lot weren't.
So if you're listening to this and you know that you are different today than you were before Covid, and you know that, that difference isn't positive, then here are to clearly and realize it's time to get help because you're on the mental health spectrum.
You're trying to run a business, you're trying to lead a team, you're trying to lead a staff, you're trying to lead a family. And I'm not saying that you have to be perfect to do all of those things.
That's not the point. But the point is that you do have to be honest about who you are as you do all of those things.
And the progress that you're making and your strengths and your weakness.
And that's why I said this is gonna be a really different but really important conversation for all of us.
Ada Joe: And let me put something with what you just said now. Yes, all of us and many of us just picked up ways of coping in the last two years. Many of us have found out that it's not serving us well and also finding difficulty of, "I don't know what else."
And I say it this way, it is what it is. I just want you to give yourself grace, that it is what it is and it's okay to find help so that you can get out of that, that will that is just rolling, that you don't know how to get out of yet. It's okay. That's where it is right now, and it's okay. But if you keep staying there, that's when it becomes not okay.
Atiba de Souza: Right! Yes. Yes. There's so much power in that statement, "It is what it is", if it's used correctly. And we talk about this even in business, but in your life here, it is what it is says that functionally, I can admit that it is where it is right now and that does not mean that, that has to be where it is 10 minutes from now.
Ada Joe: No.
Atiba de Souza: It can change, but right now, it is what it is.
Ada Joe: It is what it is.
Atiba de Souza: I can't live in the past.
Ada Joe: That we can change the next second. We can change the next minute. We can change it, but we have to leave up both fear to change the next minute. And that might just mean to pick up your phone. Pick up your phone. That might just be all it is that will make that next minute different.
Atiba de Souza: So I know that you help men get to this point of the, "it is what it is", and then recognize what that next moment is, and then get out of that situation and walk away from those situations on the spectrum dealing with themselves, getting in touch with themselves and the relationships and so on and so forth.
So now as a man has progressed through some of this and is starting to actually live out your slogan, if you will. What's next for him?
Ada Joe: Okay. Where we start, we start with, "it is what it is", from where we came from to where we are right now. When we find purpose, we discover your why. When we discover your why, most people, it just the light clicks that you start looking for. Now you know, what is out there for me?
What am I creating in this world to do? What it is for me? So many people are struggling, just struggling to find out what is next. Just like we also saying. What are the new habits that will help me be a better man, be a better dad, be a better husband, even be a better human being for my own self?
So when you are able to discover your why, your purposes in life that changes a lot of things. It helps you start building better habits for yourself, helps you stay focused in creating the world and legacy that you want for your family, building your business, being a better dad, being a better husband or spouse or whatever you just want for yourself.
So that's how the program that I run. That's how we run it.
Atiba de Souza: So there's gotta be a point of friction that exists there, and that point of friction — so I've come through and I've started to deal with myself and I've started to deal with the emotion and I've started and I've become better, and now I'm working towards my why. But, so if my why is here, but I am here.
Are we going cold turkey? Like, let's say I'm being completely facetious. Okay? But let's say you are a business owner running a decent size company, but you realize that your why is being facetious again, sailing yachts —
Ada Joe: Yep.
Atiba de Souza: — and picking up trash around the ocean. Is it, "Okay, bye company. I'm going to get my yacht tomorrow?" or is there a process?
Ada Joe: There has to be an alignment for us to live the best life, to live the life that we were created to live, and sometimes it takes guts for us to find that alignment and be that alignment. Sometimes it doesn't happen right away. We have that friction. Yeah, that friction might take a little bit but if most people you look back, it's like, maybe this is why I had a story of a guy that was running the company just like what you said, but just found that every time I run this company, I get the business to where he is running, he's functioning well. He sells it off and start over, doing something else. Until he found his why, he discovered that this is who I am. I have to find better ways to do things, to contribute to people's life.
So that's why he will build this business and the business becomes big. It doesn't satisfy again, he finds something new.
So that's who he is. So instead of beating himself up for that, now you know that, that's who you are. Then you just leave your life contributing to impact other people's life, knowing that, that's what that is.
So that brings a lot of clarity, is the beginning of self awareness. If you have that friction, it might take you time to magic. But for some people, until you magic, you don't find peace. You still in misalignment.
Atiba de Souza: Until you — I'm writing it down — find magic. You don't find peace.
Ada Joe: You don't find peace.
Atiba de Souza: That's a mic drop moment right there. We can literally leave this right there.
Until you find that magic, you won't find peace. And so, if there isn't peace in your life right now, you know that you're out of alignment. You haven't found that magic and it probably goes back to not being in touch, dealing with some of those, that conditioning that we started off talking about that's been holding you. Okay. That's been holding you and it's time, it's time, it's time. And ladies, if you're listening and you're hearing some of this applies just to you just as well, but there may be men in your life that you know need to hear this. Please pass this episode to them.
But more importantly, if you're that guy who realizes that you don't have peace or if you're a lady who knows of a man who doesn't have peace, this is what Ada does. She helps men get there.
Ada Joe: Yes.
Atiba de Souza: Ada, I gotta ask you as we close here for somebody who wants to awaken the man you've been waiting to meet. They're ready to awaken that man. How did they get in contact with you?
Ada Joe: They can reach out to me on LinkedIn and also Ada Joe. They can reach out through my website. My website is adajoe.com. So you can reach me either way. I be willing and ready to help you discover your why and get in alignment.
Atiba de Souza: That is awesome. Ada, thank you so much for being here. Everybody, Ada Joe! And again, if you haven't begun doing this work, it's time. Coming out of the pandemic, you need to do this. It's going to help you. It's going to help you. So reach out to her on LinkedIn. We've got the link down below in the description that you can find.
It goes directly to her LinkedIn and start a conversation with her today. Don't delay. Don't delay. Ada, thank you so, so much for being here. You've been such a great guest and thank you for bringing this awesome topic to us.
Ada Joe: Thank you so much, Atiba. And I can't wait for us to discover your why.
Atiba de Souza: Yes. Thank you. Bye everybody!
Ada Joe: Bye bye!